2. The Real and the Ideal
Each of us has his own idealization of himself.
There's the "real" you and there's the "ideal" you - the ego and the superego.
Supposedly, the degree of divergence between the ego and superego is a criteria of a person's mental well
being. If there's a vast distance between the real you and the ideal you, you're a troubled person - a neurotic.
If the difference between the real you and the ideal you is slight, then you're supposedly a well-adjusted person. But who is the "real" you? It seems everybody knows that but you - because
you've built-up an idealization of yourself. There's the saying, "A happy wife is the greatest compliment to her husband" - because somehow he believes he's the reason for her happiness.
The "ideal" me is the way I see myself.
The "real"me is the way others see me.
Quite often these viewpoints are far apart. It's hard for me to know the real truth about myself and, as a result, I'm unwilling or reluctant to accept responsibility or blame for any problems that may exist within
"It really isn't my fault!" As Adam said, "Lord, the woman that thou gavest to be with me" (Genesis 3:12).
We're always seeking to pass the reason for our failures on to someone else.
It could never be my fault. I could never really be to blame. "If he would only straighten up!" "If she would only do what the Scripture tells her to do, then our marriage could be happy and successful!"
We're always looking for the other one to change for we do not see the need to change ourselves. I'm convinced that in every situation there needs to be changes on both parts.